in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
