Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
