I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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