you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
