When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
