i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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