I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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