guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
