In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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