I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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