Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
