I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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