OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
