Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
