Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
