i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
