Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
