I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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