i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
