She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
