it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize