I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
