I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
