your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize