so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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