I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
