and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
