i was born a porn star she said
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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