her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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