We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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