Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize