take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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