i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
