I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
