Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
