the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
