dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
