Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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