Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
