this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
