I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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