I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
