dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
