I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
