a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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