Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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