I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
