If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your cock deserves a montage
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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