I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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