So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
