Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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