He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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