His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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