pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
