That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
