no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
