Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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