ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
