No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
