bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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