Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
