she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize