If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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