Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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