real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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