there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
