i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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