She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
