i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
