You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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