every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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