umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
