I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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