I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
