Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I party with great urgency now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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